o.jeez

in the spirit of american cannibal culture's latest addition to the holiday season, the simpson solstice, i gotsta get a moral conundrum (if that word indeed means what ah tink it does) off my pecs.

somebody expressed an intention to "whip [my] ass" a few times (a threat that i couldn't help but fail to take seriously) and then, later that day, swung some keys at my face while i was abed and ran away giggling like heath ledger on some desert fox shit. he also babbled a celebration of his triumph that was unintelligible except for "bitch!" my sense of humor wasn't good enough to appreciate the irony of the childish taunting in flight at the time, so maybe responsibility for what happened next falls squarely on my shoulders. so after taking stock of the situation and asking whodunnit? (i was asleep up until the point the keys struck my pillow), i decided that rather than appease the oaf who cockledoodledoos tom petty through my wall every morning i would see him when i saw him.

fatefully, i had to take a pee. i walked into the bathroom and he was washing his hands with his flank exposed to me. pause. after he glanced toward me, i took a step forward and nudged a roy jones replica underhook into his right kidney. he folded over and i punched him in the head a few times until i noticed his ear was bleeding. ya boy, like the judge and jury that saw juice locked away for 15 years, wasn't super interested in idealistically rendered retribution. if he'd been facing me, i'd have hit him. he wasn't facing me. i hit him. i give inigo montoya his props but that's where it stops. i'm no dread pirate dirty harry potter tough guy with a broom to pick with the world, but if i'm feeling froggy i'm leaping widdout exception. if the glove fits, i'm slapping you with it and demanding satisfaction no matter who you're looking at.

in his defense, he seems to be an emotionally fragile dude. he threatened to call the police when i used his picture in the farcicle (fuck webster and his wordplay eyday i stay coinin' them shits!1) about homorganized crime and, offended at his abrasive approach, refused to take it down. fucking republican hardliners.

day so rough i hit you with that faceintheyoutubeinternetbitching blather. would that i still had a job so i could rant about my boss.

check out carles for a hidididididilarious take on o.j.